The Love

Blog moved

2010-11-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

my Blog is now at genopuff.tumblr.com

ITS BACK!!!

2010-10-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

ok,so i have decided to start back up the blog, its been a bit over 2 months since anything has been posted on here due to life just being so darn hectic! My goal from this point on will be to post AT LEAST 1 post a week on all sorts of different topics ranging from sexual assault, sex (o yes im going there), things that have to do with prevention educators and whatever else i deem necessary to talk about.

also you may have noticed (if you have ever seen this blog before) that the design is different and all pretty and the name has changed from Yojimbo Love to simply.... The Love. i did this because well thats pretty much what this is going to be about understanding and accepting and loving one another for whatever we are.

im going to count this as my post for this week, i know im lame, but no fear i may have something else to put up very shortly and luckily for me there is not a high demand for my posts at the moment.

Macho Madness Intro

2010-08-18T02:11:00.000-07:00

so i have decided to do some posts on situations/thoughts whatever really having to deal with masculinity and i guess you would call them negative aspects of it, and how i (because im not a completely "average" dude) look at them compared to say what the stereotypical thought/action of a male would be.

also with that said any questions/topics you would like me to cover in my blog feel free to email me at robwdiaz@gmail.com and ill do my best to answer any and all questions you may have.

Stay happy stay healthy

2010-07-21T21:24:00.001-07:00

One crucial thing everyone should Know is....stay happy. Being happy and positive makes life so much easier,especially if you do the work we do.

Working for a rape crisis center no matter what you do it can bring a whole boatload of stress and emotion into your life. The key to handling all this (in my opinion) is to keep yourself grounded,keep yourself happy. There will be times where all you feel is sadness and stress and like the world is just coming down on you and it may very well be coming down on you ,but the thing to remember when you've found your moment of calm is to be happy or even just content.

Here are a couple of things I suggest you do:

1. Music: at least for me when I'm feeling down or just had an extremely rough day I tend to go and put on some music that I can just sit and close my eyes and listen to. When picking music pick something that is opposite of what you are feeling. If your sad you don't want to listen to music with depressing lyrics because most of the time only makes it worse. Stressed/Angry,don't listen to music that is sporadic or hard to follow like techno or most electronica.don't listen to angry music like metal, gangsta rap, punk,hardcore, etc.

If your going to listen to music I suggest something mellow or how I would describe chill. If I may suggest check out bands like Ratatat or MGMT,Sublime,people under the stairs,Atmosphere, the roots, Amy Winehouse, The Beatles, Led Zepplin, or most music that is only instrumental. Something you can sit down and just vibe to, close your eyes and just take it in.

2.Friends: now if you have friends that are as cool as mine you can be around them and just pickup their good vibes. Its crucial to hang out with "chill" people who are minimal stress and no stress when your all hanging out. Otherwise you hang with stressful people your stress will be even worse where as you hang with chill easy going people your mood may just change even if it's just a little bit.

Chill people bring awesomeness to your life I don't know any other way to put it. Your friends aren't chill? Try hanging out with someone you think you normally wouldn't hang out with you may just be surprised on how positively life changing it could be!

3.Movies: try watching an uplifting movie, a comedy or even an old childhood favorite that may be enough to just change your mood and get you back to a "normal" place.

4. Drawing: break out the crayons and paper and go nuts!! It could be very therapeutic way to release some stress and turn it into art! Paint, color(hell even a coloring book) , draw,sketch, doodle, scribble, it doesnt really matter as long as it gets your mind off of whatever.

5. Write: write it down get it out of you and on to paper. You can write exactly what your feeling or maybe write a poem, a story, it doesn't really matter get it on out of you and onto paper or type it out on the computer. by looking at it with your own eyes you can process it better and find the solution to make it better.

6.Food/Drink: "if more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" - J.R.R Tolkien

Now I know a whole bunch of people would disagree with Me on this but sometimes food can be the pick me up you need. Now just to put this out there before I go on, if you eat and its not making you feel better,stop.

Onward! Eat good food ,your favorite food! I know for me having some of my favorite ice-cream can be the little pick me up I need! Usually works too! Also cooking if you can,also a good way to get stress and bad moods off.or if your over the age of 21 have your favorite drink and just relax and enjoy it. This one goes hand in hand with Friends.

"one of the delights of life is eating with friends,second to that is talking about eating. And, for an unsurpassed double whammy, there is talking about eating while you are eating with friends."- Laurie Colwin

7. Excercise: sometime you just gotta run everything out, take a bad day out on a punching bag. Do pushups fuel by your emotions lift some weight and feel the resistance push everything out. Its an awesome way to change your mood especially because you get an almost exercise high when you push yourself hard and you feel good about what you have just done!

Last and not least and easier said then done, don't take it with you leave it there. Don't bring it home if you have no other way to get rid of it(which by now you should have some ideas.) your stress can stress others out, I'm saying deal with it some way don't let it build up and break you. Understand that as humans we cannot control everything sometimes its just out of our hands and even though it sucks nothing will change it. Stress is a hard thing to live with because it affects every part of you, physical,emotional, and mental in a negative way.

I post this because I know how hard it gets and like an earlier post you can do the best you can and it will not seem like enough, but you did your best and that's all that matters if your beating yourself up stop and look at this list or do something you feel will work to relieve stress and not hurt you or others.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Sonoma County

Doing the best you can

2010-06-24T02:55:00.001-07:00

I've only been a prevention educator for only a few months now and it has change me tremendously. The way I think, the way I carry myself, the way I look at the world. One thing I have learned is as long as you do your best you shouldn't be down on yourself if you can't do more.

I had an experience with someone who asked me a question in private after class, now from my experience this is usually something they were too embarrassed to ask in front of their classmates or because it's a super personal question about a "hypothetical" situation or something going on with a "friend". Now when I go and teach I am a mandated reporter meaning if they tell me something and its going to bring harm to them or their classmates I gotta let someone know. Luckily I have yet to experience this.

Anyways.... Back to the story.

Now this kid asked me a question and I could see it in their face and in their eyes that it was about them,they phrased it as if they were just asking me to define something,but you could tell it was deeper than that. I answered the question the best I could and suggested solutions to help get it straightened out. I left that class feeling like I didn't do enough and it really ate me up for the rest of the day and I was just out of it. The next day I just told myself I did the best I could with what I had and thats all I could do. When you work with kids you gotta give it your all because they deserve the best they need the best you can give them, if they feel that your doing that they understand and appreciate that someone is listening and does care about them even if it's some stranger teaching them. That alone can be a big deal to a kid especially a teenager who feels no one cares about them.

One more thing, if you don't do those things, teach kids while being sincere and honest, they will eat you alive and let you know you are a fake. So Why do it if you don't like it?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Commerce Blvd,Rohnert Park,United States

Men and Feminism........

2010-06-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

love this feministing blog post from 06'

Myth-Busting Mondays: Feminists are scary!.

So men think feminist are scary,they think feminist are these militant ugly women that don't shave and don't wear bras,they hate men and are all lesbians.

There are probably some like that but I'm sure majority are just normal everyday people that go about their lives that feel woman are equal to men and shouldn't be treated differently. They just let everyone know it if it comes up or go out to events and let people know.

I can't really see how they are scary I never think "oh no! A woman who has an opinion and is going to tell it!" I'm mean hell most guys aren't even really sure they know what a feminist is. I'm not even completely sure. my description above is just a vague idea I have of a feminist. It might be offensive to a feminist that thats my idea of one.

Even feminist probably disagree with each other about what a true feminist is.

Can men be feminists? Or is that Not ok?

What would a guy be if he had the same views as a feminist but for men? Can he have those views since males have been the dominate gender in society for most of history?

All these questions that won't be answered.

Feminists are scary to most men because they don't understand or are not able to grasp that feminists are not anti-male just pro female. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion seems pretty legit to me. I'm all about equality of men and women it's a must for our society to evolve.there is no reason Guys for you to be scared of something or someone you don't understand. Make an attempt to understand before you make assumptions and that goes for EVERYONE!

"Male role models"

2010-06-22T01:50:00.000-07:00

ive come to realize not alot of people read this other than MAYBE those i work for/with but i would definately appreciate ANYONE who reads this to post about their Male or even female role models that influence them, in the comments.

now for the rest of this article i apologize again, i am no writer and will try to put this down as clearly as possible.

Ive always felt its import for a young boy/man whatever to have a positive male role model in their lives.dont get me wrong i was raised by my mother, looking back she tried to be both my mother and father the best she could,just me and her for most of my life but she was my mom and didn't do too well to on being a dad.My papa filled that role for the most part.

now lets get into the basic important stuff, so ill use this article because it does does a good job of explaining things,but take that article and pop in mother where father is (especially these days) and it still comes off roughly the same. let me break some of this article down a bit in MY opinion.

"Furthermore, children that have difficulty learning in school tend to do better when both parents are involved in the educational process."

now that i can see that but all that matters that they are involved whether it one or the other or both as long as they are INVOLVED a child will do better.

"Learning financial control usually is easier when a boy is used to seeing his father consistently bring home a paycheck to his family. Quality time between fathers and sons is important in explaining that it is acceptable for men to show emotion. When a father figure is not present in the home, most boys are conditioned to believe they are not allowed to have feeling. If father is sharing his feelings with the child on a regular basis, emotional development progresses much better for the child"

now as for the financial control...as a single adult a young man should have financial control but it makes no difference on where they see it from mom/dad whatever.I honestly dont believe that it takes a man to teach a boy that its acceptable to show emotion a woman can just as easily do the same thing just as i believe that it doesn't take just a father to teach a boy that its NOT acceptable to show emotion. now if feelings are shared with a child not just a boy this goes for girls to, "emotional development progresses much better for the child" for sure.
i think a woman can show a and teach a boy how to be a man but ill admit that only can go so far. it really does take another male to show how to act with others

im going to explain my biggest male role models in my life...this is not going to be pretty so be ready for once again some intense stuff.

now most male influences...well they were not the role models that you would think of, they were (for the lack of a better term) losers,druggies and drunks.they were my role models.more like examples on how i should NOT be.For me the biggest male influence in my life was my father. He was never around and when he was he would be drunk or high off whatever and come home beat my mom tell her she was worthless and dominate and take control of her, make her live in fear of him. I saw this at a young age. most people dont remember a lot from their younger years 3-4-5-6 etc. i do. i remember seeing my mom crying after my dad beating her and saying "its ok mommy its ok!" even then all i knew was i never wanted to be him i hated that man with every essence of my being.even today i still carry that with me and cannot be around him for more than a few hours before i want to take his head off even though he is not that same man he is someone different he is the father my older sibling and myself never had and as long as he is good to my brother and is his role model then i can swallow that hate a little easier. It was his stupidity and actions that help me stay on the staight and narrow i knew what i didn't want to be and I've tried , successfully might i add!, to not be him. now i like to think of myself as some freak in life, if one were to look at another who had and experience like that, they would be following in their fathers footsteps being that man because they knew no better,now ive had my problems and when i was younger i have looked in the blurry image in the mirror through bloodshot eyes and thought to myself im turning into him.Ive never purposely laid my hands on a woman in anger as an adult or a teenager because of that man, he was my anti-being a douche bag campaign for my life and still is at least the man i knew as a child.

My positive male role model, well that was my papa, Xavier Ford Pellitier he was in his own words "a blued eyed brown haired French Canadian who could do whatever the f*** I want!".also random fact: The ancestor of the first person to be executed by the guillotine.He was not my biological grandfather but that never made a difference to me, I've known that man since i was two years old, he has treated my like his since i showed up on his doorstep one day and wanted to play with his train sets.He was my grandfather before him and my grandma got married.He taught me the importance of being a man. He had no kids of his own blood but he treated my mom and her siblings as his as he did my and my cousins. Whenever i got out of line, which when i was younger i was picked up a quite a few times from school, he was their to set me straight...he never lifted a hand to me, he always sat me down and talked to me never sugar coated things never talked to me as a child but as a man because he felt it was important to do that.He had his flaws he was a alcoholic but he was a functional alcoholic till his last few years on this planet.He always taught me that everyone has their flaws and that no one is perfect.The world owes no one anything and that humans make their own paths in live. He taught me what it meant to be a human not just be a man. He taught me that even though yes we are human that we are no less animals than those out in the "wild". He taught me to take responsibility for my actions, to not lie, to never be afraid. really like i said before it wasn't about being a man with him it was about being a good person. no one is perfect everyone has their flaws but just because someone has flaws it doesn't make them any less of a "good" person. He not only showed me all this but taught me it. When i got into my teens our relationship faded mainly because of his alcoholism became very severe and turned him into something else. it wasn't until he was on his death bed that i had one of those heart to heart talks with him again. at this time i was a wild child and had been into some serious stuff getting into trouble in school and not getting to trouble at home but getting into it on the street with...well stuff. i remember no one had talked to him because he couldn't talk (which i later realized he wouldn't talk) and then i wanted to say my last words to him so everyone left the room, it was me and and he told me he was proud of me, that he loved me he apologized for the years he missed with me. he told me it was OK to cry and man did i even worse than i am while writing this.After to speaking to his old friend he passed away, so it goes. That was the last and only true male role model i had.

i say that not knocking the other men in my life like my Uncle and my Step Dad but they have nowhere near the influence on me now as my grandfather had on me or even close to the influence my mother had on me being who i am today.

now take this, think about who those men are in your life, post a comment shoot me an email whatever you want.

with that like i said before POSITIVE role models are needed in a young boys (or even a young girls) life doesn't always have to be a male for a male and female for female but when a person of the same gender it is a bit easier to relate for the younger person. even if its just the fact that they are the same gender as them. i want to say again its not necessary for the role model to be the same gender but it does help a lot.

getting laid!

2010-06-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. 'yes' is the answer"

o no my friends im not talking about getting one of those giant flower necklaces put on you. Im talking about having sex!

primarily casual sex and the negativity towards it.

but first before i begin i must put a little disclaimer here: in no way shape or form am i knocking abstinence by talking in a pro-sex way.to each their own and i believe everyone has the right to choose whether they want to or do not want to have sex, whether its religious reasons or personal choice its all good.nothing wrong with abstinence as long as one recognizes its not the only way to go.

casual sex(my definition): the act of sex when not in a relationship weather it is with one partner or multiple partners(separately or together!) on a regular(?) basis

what i want to address first is the bad rap a woman gets if she is sexual active with someone(s) who she is not in a relationship with.its going to be short and to the point.

She gets called a slut,whore,hooker etc because she wants to have sex and yet not dedicate herself to one man.

why the hell should she? why cant she have sex with whoever she wants? why does it make her a slut? what makes her different from men who do the same things?

she shouldn't have to unless she wants to.She can and she will regardless of what you think. straight up it DOES NOT. she has a vagina,other than that not a damn thing.

figure thats the most straight up and simple way to explain that.

now on to the fun stuff,if your single and ready to mingle, fair game my friends. Ladies and Dudes dont be afraid to have sex with someone you dont plan on having a relationship with as long as you make it clear that all that is going to happen is sex and nothing else and if they are cool with it then it should be on like Donkey Kong, if not maybe you should rethink what your about to do because some people do take sex as a very personal and emotional experience, its best to put all out there and what your intentions are, but then again even if someone gets it and agrees you never know , but at least you know you put it out and should not feel guilty if something does happen.

Women: you are not sluts or whores for wanting to have multiple partners
Men: you are not sluts or whores for wanting to have multiple partners. Having multiple partners does not make you a god either remember that.

Men: women are not sluts or whores for wanting to have multiple partners.Women who do have sex casual and with multiple partners are still VERY respectable women dont think otherwise just because they have a healthy sexual appetite.

Women and Men if you do have sex casually and with multiple partners PLEASE use protection because you may not know and your partner may not know if they have something they can give you.o and ladies you might get pregnant and dudes you might get a girl pregnant.(that would turn your one night stand of no strings attached sex into a life commitment, and im talking about the kid not the relationship)

sex is a wonderful thing and as long as two consenting adults...consent to it, it will always be an beautiful wonderful and fun thing that two individuals can share.

now i understand that some.. a lot of people may disagree with this but that is OK everyone has their opinions and beliefs on the matter, im just putting mine out there. i may go back and edit this post but im sure i put everything i wanted on this post.

o and one last thing i wont get too much into it right now but if you do have sex, MAKE SURE YOU WANT TO HAVE IT NO ONE SHOULD FORCE YOU TO HAVE SEX IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BECAUSE THAT IS RAPE!AND NO ONE ASKS TO BE RAPED

What Would You Do If You Saw A Woman Being Battered?

2010-05-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

warning the link and the videos posted may trigger some emotions/memories.

What Would You Do If You Saw A Woman Being Battered? before you read below, take the time to watch this video,it is VERY intense then continue on to what i have written below.

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little." ~Edmund Burke

first and foremost i would like to say...what the?

the first video was a great example of people helping people,no matter what. they saw this woman visibly upset,all beat up and obvious scared of her boyfriend. they got yup talked to her and even tried to help her. hell one dude went as far at the end to almost put a beating on the actor who was portraying the boyfriend.

now the question is what would you do in both those situations? would the woman's or mans clothing or even race (i hope im not the only one that caught that blatant racism from those two women) make a difference?

ill answer these for me myself and i, you can put your answers in the comments if you would like or just answer them for yourself.

really, for me that would not fly, not only does this guy talking down to and mentally,emotionally, and physically abusing "his" woman disturb those around HIM and make a scene its just not right. I would never allow anything like that to happen i don't care if the woman is wearing only pasties and a g-string she does not deserve to be treated like that by ANYONE especially her boyfriend. i would get up and separate her from the situation whether he liked it or not. now i cant guarantee that once I'm gone he wont find her and continue the abuse but i can do whatever is in my power to keep her from it for the time being. call the police,women's shelter, some other group whatever needs to be done. this is me speaking for myself but i know that i could care less what dude looks like, he could be 6'5'' 300 lbs and a professional fighter and would still the same, black,white,yellow,pink,blue,green, human,orc, dwarf, i don't care. EVEN if he was a pimp and she was a prostitute dude messed up(on top of being an abuser) for her benefit by bringing it into a public place.now your business is my business and the business of everyone around you, i now have an obligation to this girl to do SOMETHING. i will do anything within my power to make it stop even if it comes down to physical contact. I'm no super tough dude and i know my limits and i know what i can and cant do but for ME a guy like that deserves to get a beating for being like that.even if i get beat up at least for that short period of time the abuse was off her and hey...dude may even get arrested for beating me up it takes the guy off the streets and away from her for awhile (Disclaimer: i do not suggest for ANYONE to do anything i just said like trying to take the fight to the guy you may get hurt,I'm just talking about what ME MYSELF AND I would do)

In the second video one of the guys excuses for not getting up was the guy might be crazy and stab him or some junk like that(good excuse coward) i still didn't see him make any effort to help at least his buddy went to try and get the cops called. i don't care how small or weak or scared you are, do SOMETHING call the cops,get other people involved to help stop it, strength in numbers you know? an abuser like that could be dangerous, I'm not telling you to go head first and take this dude on (or woman..they can be abusers like that too even though it is less likely still happens) because he very well may be a very violent person and put a knife in your or hurt you severely , but there are things you can do like i said before.

I'm not even going to get into the realm of those two ladies in the second video that enrages me beyond belief.

i just want to repeat that people that do nothing upset me, this video brought back memories and anger that had been put away for awhile. if you see this..stop it.

here's a resource if you are that woman/man

National Domestic Violence Hot line at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
For more information on domestic violence click here

Mike and Sara where are they now?

2010-05-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

There is a little skit we do in our prevention education presentation for high school kids and its called Mike and Sara, heres the scenario; Mike has a party at his house and all the cool kids from school are there including Sara and her friends. now Sara has a crush on mike and vice versa. Mike and Sara start to talk and flirt and such at this party both of them have been drinking and all of a sudden Sara doesn't feel very good, now Sara tells mike over all the loudness that is a high school party that she is going to go to the bathroom upstairs and she starts to head up, while she is climbing the stairs she turns around and looks at mike and keeps heading up. She gets to the bathroom and its occupied.She is still not feeling good so she goes and lays down on a bed in a vacant room, mike goes up to look for her and notices the room with the door slightly open and Sara laying on the bed, so he goes in and talks to her hands her another beer and they start talking.Mike then tried for first base...success! tried for second base..he gets it but not without Sara telling him no. now mike is a bit confused and unsure of what Sara said no to and keeps going, takes of her clothes and Sara says no a bit more but its not very loud or forceful, next thing you know Mikes on top of her and he is having sex with her, now Sara isn't moving or saying anything she is uncomfortable and does not like it but Mike does it and finishes anyway, she gets up puts her clothes on and leaves, now Mike and Sara have not talked since this has happen and Mike does not know why (stupid boys right?).

thats where the story ends and the discussion of the situation with the class begins.normally how this goes is we put two columns up one that says "Miscommunication" and the other says "Rape". the "miscommunication" column mostly gets filled up with thing Sara did or did not do that led up to Mike raping her(legally dude did commit rape) now once we have a good amount of answers we point out that mostly everything was put on Sara then ask did Mike rape her? and we get mixed answers but allot of them agree Mike did rape her. then i usually ask; Does that make Mike a rapist? no one really answers it but in my opinion Mike fucked up, and raped Sara. no one says much but you can see it in their faces that the gears are going. then we talk about victim blaming or putting a huge chunk of the rape in the hands of the victim when really no one asks to be raped, Sara did not ask to be rape and even though she didn't yell kick and scream she did try and tell Mike no but he didn't get it.

now ever since i have done this i wonder... what happens now? yeah Mike and Sara are not talking to each other Mike not knowing why and Sara feeling violated and afraid to talk to Mike. what should these kids now do?

now this is where some may disagree with me but i put it on Mike to make the first move, if he really did like her and cares for her even in the slightest bit then he should be the one to approach her if something seems to be wrong with their relationship. although this would take a wee bit of maturity on Mike's part which highschool boys are known to lack.(dudes you know this is the truth.) The problem may be Sara may not want to open up and talk to Mike because of that, she may feel embarassed upset and have alot of anger towards Mike. She is probably confused on what to do and how she feels.Mike needs to take the first step to try and open up a line of communication.It may not happen right away and Mike may not understand that at first, but communication is key in all this.It wont change the fact that it happened,but it will help Sara with healing which is the most important thing and Mike will learn a valuable lesson on how he should act in that situation next time,getting a clear cut yes or no and tale the time to really assess the situation and ask if he is not sure before he starts taking off clothes and trying to get into someones pants.

Mike AND Sara would both do well and this situation could (im not gunna say will because you never know) be easily avoided if they had some knowledge about consent and sexual abuse, but that would be a perfect world and unfortunately we do not live in one.

OK lets explain the title.

2010-05-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

pretty much all it is, is "Art of the Bodyguard" i just felt Yojimbo sounded cooler and if anyone is a film buff will get the nod to Akira Kurosawa film Yojimbo.

now the Yojimbo in the film is this dude that goes by the name Kuwabatake Sanjuro

now KS is a Ronin (a masterless samurai the best kind in my opinion) and basically to make a long story short he goes into a town where two warring gangs rule the town and have separated it into two factions.KS goes in and for the most part simply talks both sides into taking each other out and does it mostly with non-violence and uses it when its only necessary (to protect himself or others). dude is pretty bad-ass and his intentions were never really made clear through the movie.

i figured not only does Yojimbo sound awesome it represents strength,courage,and respect that i hope to help some find by doing this blog, its not JUST about getting dudes to be apart of sexual violence prevention/intervention, this will be to give guys a new view on how to present themselves to when in terms of the topic and presenting themselves to women.Naturally men feel the need to protect the ones they love and care for,be almost like a bodyguard (get it?) but there is really an art to it, you don't want to come off OVER protective because then you just look controlling while as if you don't show concern you come off like you don't care (which more likely than not you probably don't.) hell im not even a pro at this but then again i have never claimed to be.

its a process man...an ongoing process that EVERYONE will go through till the day they die, then and only then will they be done.

The List

2010-05-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

so i sat last night before i even started this and made a list, well two separate lists one being a Why less men are involved with sexual assault prevention/intervention and the other why they should be involved. Note: this is my opinion and mine alone and suggestion you would like to add please feel free to comment. im a big boy i can take it.

Why less men do it
-its "Awkward"
-its a female problem
-too "taboo"
-uncomfortable subject
-afraid to be looked at as perpetrators
-afraid these organizations are run my militant feminists (not the case at all)
-ignorance
-lack of knowledge of the subject
-conflicting views/beliefs
-not understanding
-see it as pointless,doest matter what you do it will still happen.
-afraid to be looked at as gay or weak by their friends or other guys
-too lazy to volunteer
- don't care
now the last two i feel are probably the closests to the truth but hey thats just me.

why more men SHOULD do it
-to be role models for younger boys AND girls
- to bring a new view on the subjects. (i beleive that men and women have different ways at looking at sexual assualt and prevention/intervention. its always good to have another take on it)
-to further show that sexual violence has to do with both MEN AND WOMEN, not just one or the other
- inspire men to be apart of the solution. (i feel the more men that get involve the more men will want to be involved, usually how things work right?)

Why i do what i do...

2010-05-14T01:01:00.001-07:00

The quality of decision is like the well-timed swoop of a falcon which enables it to strike and destroy its victim.-Sun Tzu

I think for this blog to be successful in anyway in its purpose you need to know about who writes it and why, why do i do this? im one hardly to bs i try and be as open and honest as i possibly can. with me for the most part you get what you see, i have nothing to hide anymore no regrets just lessons i have taken with me.

My name is Rob Diaz, im 22 Tattooed and a prevention educator, my paying job is at a hotel in my hometown. i do kick-boxing when i have the time. I go to the SRJC to get my AA in administration of justice. I want to be a probation officer...i think.

When i first got into volunteering and being a prevention educator i did it for selfish reasons at first, i was simply looking for a job that i can get experience towards being a probation officer or really just working with people. I saw an add on craigslist for a councilor at UASA and said what the hell might as well go for and as i wrote the email to the head of the counseling department at UASA i realized i have no clue on how to be a counselor. So i decided to see what else they had to offer and told her i was interested in seeing what else UASA has to offer, next thing you know im sitting in a training room with a bunch of women learning how to teach Sexual Violence education to kids.

when i first started i have to say i was very nervous and was pretty much ready to back out right away. the thought of being the only guy in this group of trainees was extremely intimidating and nerve racking. i felt as though i would not be able to do well because im a dude. every training class i got more nervous and more nervous and was telling myself "there is no way i can do this, these chicks are going to eat me alive if i fuck up" , but i am a glutton for punishment and i stuck it out, best decision i have EVER made. After my first shadow of a presentation to developmentally disabled kids i was hooked. After that i did a couple presentations to middle schoolers and continuation high kids (next to the developmentally disabled kids those two are my favorite to teach to. thats right im pickin favorites!) then i had my first solo presentation to a middle school class and rocked it like a savage (did really good) i knew then this is what i want to be doing with my life right now. i volunteered to take the reins of the UASA Facebook and have made that a bit more active then it was before i took over.now im doing this blog and hopefully will continue doing it.
now here comes the DEEP stuff....

they say allot of people who work in places like rape crisis centers have dealt with the subject in one way or another whether they were victims themselves or know someone who was a victim. what im about to tell you is something i had blocked out of my head for along time and not until recently have brought to the light, it was during a time where i was young and dumb. and something i will never forget because if i knew then what i know now i hope things would have been different.

well here is my experience and warning its pretty graphic...(sorry if your about to read this mom i know this is the first time you have probably heard about any of this. To all you that know me,here is something i have never talked about till recently.)

in my teenage years i was a wild kid, my friends and i lived by the motto "live fast die young" and by the thing we did we were trying to fulfill it. i have always been the young one of my friends the "baby" so to speak. The crew i hung out with for the most part was tight, everyone knew and trusted everybody. we partied ALOT,every chance we could get.One of these parties was at a friend of mines house.Her mom went to visit her grandma in another state so we threw a party, everybody drank and had there fun, when the room started spinning too fast i decided to retreat into my friends room and pass out, well i didn't make it to the bed and i passed out on the floor, when i came to i heard my friends muffled screams and crying as i very slowly came to i saw on the bed my friend pin to her bed by a guy who we all knew and trusted to be a good friend...kinda like an older brother to me, raping her. he held one hand of her mouth while he used the other and his body to pin her down. i was still very intoxicated at the time but i got up as quick as i could and pulled him off of her he took off running.i had no clue what to do at that point, and as i decided i was going to chase this dude down and beat the living hell out of him i walked towards the door and she stopped me. told me to close the door and just lay on the bed with her so he doesn't try and come back so i did. In the morning we spoke about it and she told me to NEVER tell anyone i didnt feel right about it but she was my friend, no she was my sister. she made me promise so i did, she had visible marks and bruises but she just told everyone that she was soo drunk that her and that guy just had overly rough sex.she was never the same after that, something was always different from that point on and whenever i wanted to say something to her about it she would tell me to just leave it be. i couldn't just leave it be, i found this guy who had been laying low and worked him over pretty good till he begged and pleaded and said he was sorry while the tears came out of his eyes and the snot and blood out of his nose. after that i felt better i felt i got her her justice that she deserved ( told you young and dumb). a few months after that incident she committed suicide. no one knew why, not even me, shortly after that someone came across a suicide note she had put in the journal explaining the pain the humility and shame she had felt, she apologized for not being herself and explained how she no longer wanted to be alive and carry the pain she had. she never mentioned that i knew..i never mentioned i knew till recently.

this hit me HARD and it all came back one day after a presentation to middle-schoolers, one of the kids in the class had been molested and thankfully the whole ordeal was taken care of.she was getting the help they needed.i had a little time after my presentation before the next one and the kids went to recess, well this little girl walks up to me and asks if she can tell me something, so i say go ahead im good at listening and then she says to me "thank you for teaching our class about that stuff, its not nice whatsoever i had someone touch me in a way i didnt like for awhile and it makes me happy that you were teaching everyone else how to know when its wrong so it doesn't happen to them like it did to me." now that alone was enough to break my heart,it took me a second to respond and in that second i recognized this little girl and EVERYTHING came back at once, she looked like my friend did at that age and it made me feel like i was hit like a ton of brick but i sucked it up and just told her "your welcome, its what i do just trying to make the world a better place." and she gave me a smile and ran off. the next presentation was the hardest thing for me to do. when it was said and done i say goodbye to the kids got in my car and left. i had only gotten a few blocks away from the school when i had to stop, and let everything out i had never cried that hard up to this point in my life. i took a minute and went home, that was a tough week, but i know use this memory as motivation to do better, because i feel i failed my friend because i did, and in doing this its partly for her, partly to just try and make the world in my younger days i just wanted to "sit back and watch it all burn." a better place.

this is my experience, take as you like.

In the Beginning

2010-05-14T00:28:00.000-07:00

The main reason i have created this blog was to test the waters of blogging, i myself am no writer so my grammar,punctuation and spelling are going to be a wreck on each of these posts. The goal ultimately of this blog is to get males to be apart of solution of sexual assault.Thats right SEXUAL ASSAULT! pretty scary stuff right? right. It is pretty scary stuff and a taboo subject even in todays society, but regardless of how scary and "taboo" it is to talk about it is still there and it CAN NOT be ignored.

Why am i focusing on males being part of the solution? are men better than women? not the last time i checked, but men do bring a different view and thought process into the mix. I myself am a prevention educator for United Against Sexual Assault of Sonoma County or UASA for short (although i believe we are in the process of changing the name) now because i need to explain it UASA is the ONLY Rape Crisis center in Sonoma County, thats right part of wine country in northern California. UASA gives a few different services to the county one being counseling for victims and survivors of sexual assault along with their families, we do one on one counseling and group counseling also we have the prevention department(woot! woot!) which i am apart of. We go to schools and teach kids about sexual violence, everything from sexual harassment to rape. We teach all the way from elementary school to college. Last but DEFINITELY NOT least is the 24/7 Crisis line (707-545-7273). Everyone at UASA is passionate about what we do and if you don't believe that the majority of us are volunteers which means we do this because we care and want to see change for the better. Everyone that works at UASA are genuine and honest people.

ok so...where was i...yes! Men being apart of the solution. there are programs like My Strength that promote males being apart of the solution to help prevent violence (sexual and otherwise) among kids and teenagers and seems to be more aimed towards young men and educating them so they know that, as their slogan says "my strength is not for hurting". Even with programs like that there still seems to be this shortage of men who are apart of preventing sexual violence.(at least from what i have seen since Ive been doing this for the past couple months) I myself do not understand why, and this blog is going to try and figure that out, and hopefully try and encourage if not inspire men to get involved and be apart of the solution. not just for UASA but any organization.